The gentlebirth.org website is provided courtesy of
Ronnie Falcao, LM MS, a homebirth midwife in Mountain View, CA

Marriage Problems after Cesarean

My husband and I are arguing a lot because I'm still upset about my c/s and he doesn't understand why I'm still upset after four months. After all, the birth is over and I have a healthy baby, right? Or so he thinks. Last night he got so mad at me because I started crying because I didn't get to hold Sarah until late that night after her birth. (He was the one who brought up the delivery.) Anybody else have any experiences like this? He tries to be supportive, but gets frustrated because I'm still depressed.

I too had many many problems with my (now ex, hmm???) husband after our son was delivered by c/s. He didn't understand what the big deal was, the baby is happy and healthy wasn't he? Isn't that the REALLY important thing? Anyway, things got so bad that we ended up divorced. He couldn't (wouldn't) even attempt to appreciate the significance of the birth experience to a woman. IMHO, I think men like to fix things and when they can't fix this for us they just get frustrated which sometimes translates itself into impatience and anger. If my ex would have just LISTENED to me!! Just like we do on this list for one another. No one tries to fix one another, we might offer suggestions to help ourselves heal form the experience, like joining an ICAN group or even private therapy. There is a book called Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus by John Grey. It talks about the difference in the way men and women communicate, it could be helpful. If my ex would have just let me vent/cry/grieve about my loss of my birth experience. Say things like "I'm sorry you are so hurt, it sounds like you are really sad about this, is there anything I could do to help you out?" etc., etc. Instead of the rhetoric I got; What’s your problem?! You're still upset?! Who cares how he was born?! He's healthy isn't he?! My responses are - YES it matters how he is born, HELL YES I am STILL upset, I know he's healthy but I'm not!..... I'm attaching a poem about c/s that really hits a nerve for me, this is exactly how I felt about my c/s. Maybe if you share it with your husband he can begin to appreciate your loss of the vaginal birth you wanted and the trauma/abuse you suffered because of the c/s. I really hope you two are able to get through this together.