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Ronnie Falcao, LM MS, a homebirth midwife in Mountain View, CA

Jenny's Tale - Saga of a Birth Gone Wrong

Yes, It Can Happen To You

Three days before my due date we went in and the nurse started telling us about the non-stress test (think that was it) we needed to come in and do a day or after our due date. I asked about why, as they hadn't mentioned earlier that any tests were required b/c overdue. That was stressful but we refused it and kept on counting kicks etc. Several times we were encouraged to have a couple tests done but refused. By 41 weeks we were deep into discussions of what we could do to get labor started. As if 41 weeks is so late anyway! Plus I knew my due date was at least 3 days off, but as you all know that didn't matter to the CNMs that I knew when I conceived.

On a visit probably at 41 wks 2 days the CNM that time came in, pleasantly visited and then just as pleasantly when I asked what would happen at 42 weeks, said, "Oh we induce at 42 weeks." Just as calm and pleasant as you please. I burst into tears and said, "Don't I get a choice?!" I hope it shook her up a little bit. I think these CNMs' saw so many little girls, some I saw in that clinic could not have been older than 12, and low income folks, very few I ever overheard in the waiting room actually had insurance ( no offense intended, just a thought about how people were treated b/c of it), they just got used to telling people what to do. They did think it wonderful how well read I was and how I worked so hard to take care of my baby.

Well, we ended up seeing the director that visit b/c I was so upset. Wanda was great, soothing, said we didn't HAVE to do anything, they just have to tell us policy, b/c CYA. You all know what that means, don't you? So we talked with her about castor oil, B&B, sex...the list. At that time, I briefly thought in my panic that I should call Mary Ann the homebirth midwife Colleen (Bradley teacher) was always talking about, but calmed myself down and chose not to. I knew my in-laws would flip out; they practically went ballistic early in my preg when they found an article in Life about lay midwives and thought that's what I was doing. So I thought, everything will be okay, I'm in good health, they're listening to my requests, nobody has MADE me do anything.

August 22...I make chop suey with green peppers b/c they gave me huge cntx in July. 11:30 pm cntx start about 5-10 minutes apart, fairly irregular but consistently coming. I wake up dh and tell him what's going on. He starts counting minutes, I have that sheet stuck in my Bradley book. Let me go get it. I have it. HE faithfully wrote things down from 12:18 am till 5:33 am til I insisted he go back to sleep. Yes, poor dh, he was counting so carefully from the very beginning. Bless him. I walked around, tried to lie down, but they were more comfortable when up. I knew it was early and I needed to rest but I didn't get a wink of sleep. Lost my plug at 3:58. I knew it was the real thing. My mom had thought she was having an upset stomach!

The cntx were less intense the next morning so I rested through till about 8:30. We called Colleen in the morning and asked her opinion; she asked us ours and agreed when we said we'd just keep hanging out at home. I had a little to eat for breakfast and we went for a walk @ 11 am. Amazingly we had a relatively cool day in Kentucky and it was nice to be outside. Everything seemed unimportant and looked funny b/c I 'd been up all night. I was starting to get concerned and wondering why my cntx didn't get any closer together and feeling like things weren't right. Dh kept reassuring me. I talked to my best friend, had a little lunch, but didn't really feel like eating too much.

I rested sitting up on the couch after lunch since cntx were easier that way, though i worried about that b/c I knew cntx "should" be stronger when upright. I tried to sleep, listened to music and got sick of it, got sick of dh sitting in the armchair looking at me. I know now I was taking it all too seriously which is always my fault, but how could I help it? It's soo painful.

About three pm dh said he was thinking about running to the lawn mower repair shop. Nothing was changing just irregular cntx and I was so tired of him looking at me. I said I'll be fine, this baby isn't coming in the next hour anyway. I just wanted to be alone.

He finally agreed and went out to the garage. As he backed out the car, I decided to try lying down again as I was so tired. I lay down and POP! Guuuushhhh! I rolled off the couch in one move with my towel (good thinking, Jen!) and ran to the front door, he was in the car ready to pull out of the driveway. "My water broke!" I mouthed at him, as if he couldn't see me holding the towel between my legs!

Well dh came back in and we hung out to see what would happen. We called Colleen and agreed to meet her at the hospital. She said she'd come as soon as she could and bring her 4 month old daughter with her. Sure enough, things got more intense and we roared out to the hospital past the crew who had chosen that very day to repair our one lane country road. (Now I know I didn't have to worry about being stuck at home. How I wish I had been!!!)

At the hospital I asked for my room and there was only one left that was being held for some other girl but they gave it to me anyway. Oh joy! Laure and Robin are both here on call! How great! They checked me and got me settled in. I just walked around the room, being redone but still the same kind of hospital room I was born in 28 years before, in my sundress and hung on Greg, squirting fluid with every contx. Pretty soon I got rid of the dress and just kept the granoly sandals. I was 6 cms and I think already 100%. Good news! Of course I was in such a fog I didn't register how great that was. It won't be long. The CNMs notes say "Anticipate SVD this evening." "Pt. handling contractions well" I've been in labor for 16 hours and I'm handling them well. That's really pretty good give yourself some credit.

However I'm feeling more and more nutty, can't think ahead, just one cnts at a time. It's an endless tunnel of squeezing pain. Why did I think I could do this?

We turn down routine strip, IV etc. and keep walking. Transition comes and last awhile between about 6:30 and 8pm. I know I'm supposed to be excited--I'm actually getting there. All I feel is like throwing up which I do. Robin holds my hair out of my face. 7:25 she says, "This is so beautiful." I say, "What's so beautiful?" I still have a smart mouth.

Colleen is there and Robin and Laure have no problem with her baby Spring being in the room. Great. It's good to see C's face. Unfortunately, I don't like being touched. All those massages and relaxation exercises, why don't I want them? Gee, I'm not like the class said I would be. Dh and Colleen verbally support me and let me hang on them during CNTx. When I 'm not walking, I'm hanging over the back of the labor bed. What a great place to be, it's the most bearable there.

I drink and drink and finally we realized I haven't been peeing. I try to pee for an hour on the potty chair and a real toilet down the hall. Darn it I just can't go. I've always had a tight bladder hole and I can hold it forever. I agree to a catheter feeling like I'm some kind of weirdo b/c I can't pee. It feels better, but still no pushing urge.

It's been four hours since transition. Why don't I feel like pushing? Robin wonders. I am not even thinking about pushing, I'm just existing, waiting for this torture to end, one cntx at a time. I learn later Colleen is in the hall asking Robin CNM (who of course is not always with me--not much like a midwife) why doesn't she do something for me? I need something. Robin says I don't want any interference so she's not interfering. C is irritated and says she needs something. I do, I need guidance, I need to walk around and get the baby's head on the cervix. but dh and I don't know that. So we just hang out on the birthing bed.

Well, Robin comes in at midnight and says let me check you. I'm 10 and 100% ready to go. Funny I don't feel like pushing. Robin suggests I try pushing and see if the urge will kick in from there. I don't feel real confident with that b/c I know from Bradley that if you have to ask is this the urge? it ain't the urge. But that is for when you're still not open and they make you push, i THINK. Since I'm open and no lip what's the harm in pushing? So I try pushing feeling pretty stupid and relatively tired and TOTALLY spaced out.

But I push. Everyone is cooing and cheering. I'm doing great. I have totally lost track of time. I hear the baby's head is coming down. His head is starting to show. They can see it. They have gotten their instruments out and covered them. Oh, I think. I guess I really am going to have a baby. They must really believe that I am. I am not so sure. But I don't tell my doubts or thoughts to anyone, just keep dutifully pushing because I have to, there's nothing else to do.

About two hours into pushing (I didn't realize this at the time, but does this ring any bells for you ladies?:) ) Robin comes in to the room and says words that my doubting heart is not too surprised to hear. "This is taking too long and your baby isn't coming any further down. I have to call the OB." She calls and says he says augment with Pit or use vacuum extractor. I'm struggling to stay awake and come up with a plan. Boy I don't want the Pit. If there's anything I'm sure of I am scared as hell of what Pit can do. And I know it can lead to a section. Oh what a nightmare that would be. What a bad dream this all is. I've been in labor for 27 hours...if only I could rest or sleep. But no I must go on...the cntx keep coming. More slowly now and further apart. I wonder why my body isn't working right anymore. Where are the cntx. I ask about vacuum extractor and more time to think. We keep pushing, waiting for cntx as they are 8-10 minutes apart now. I am lying/sitting on my butt/back and being lifted up to push. I am getting so nutty.

Robin comes back in, with "we have to do something " in her mouth. colleen is coming up with squatting, nipple stimulation, gag Colleen I can't stand you touching me how could I stand you messing with my nipples? Yuck!! I don't want to do any of her suggestions. She affirms me, you are doing it you are doing great! You are so strong, Jenny! We talk more about vacuum ex.; Robin calls Dr. S. back again; Bad news, Dr. S. says we can't use the ex. b/c then his shoulders might get stuck "And then we would have a big horrible problem".

We put it off but finally about 3:30 am we agree to Pitocin. The same nurse who couldn't find baby's heartbeat on the fetoscope puts in the IV and the Pit is turned on. I'm so tired at this time (and Robin keeps emphasizing how tired I am) that ladies I can't tell you if the Pit was as bad as I feared. The way I remember it is I only had a few contractions to experience it. I kept trying to push. I had pushed as hard as I could. But I just knew this baby was not coming out. I was going further and further into a spiral . I was sooo tired...it would never end.

We can hear the baby's heartrate over the monitor and the baseline has gradually been going down over the pushing stage. WE hear the little heart race, race, race on the monitor and then come back down. The nurse comes in to my side, flicks off the Pitocin and strides back out. I look at dh and Colleen and say, "Well, I guess this is it." I'm so sorry I've failed them. I know my nightmare has come true, the thing I worked so hard to avoid, no drugs, no AROM, i did everything right....

I guess Robin comes in to tell us, but you know, I can't remember either her or Laure being there with me at all, just the nurse and a couple other nurses smilingly gently prepping me for the surgery. Dh walks out of the room, the first time he has left my side. I find out later he is feeling faint. I am alone in the room for a few minutes. He finally comes back in, we read the forms, we groan and sign the ridiculous forms....I feel hot and my stomach hurts writing this. C feels badly for me I am sure. But I am just accepting now, there is nothing I can do to escape this spiral...I wonder if I will die from surgery or the anesthesia. They say I need general b/c our baby's heartrate overshot and he is in distress. I don't really care, though I know I should want an epidural to see my baby. Who care? What baby? I am not even thinking of him. His heart rate sounds ok now on the monitor.

We wait to go downstairs. Why did we have time to sign all these forms if it's an emergency? Greg leaves to suit up. I don't remember who is with me. They start taking me downstairs. When they do things I ask them to wait through contx and they do. I don't know who is with me, Laure and Greg my dh were but my eyes were so heavy I could not see them, I didn't know they were there. Just the nurses quietly talking among themselves.

We are at the OR after the floating nauseating trip. Greg says goodbye and kisses me and he will see me soon. He will be brought in to see our baby born. I am told to roll onto the table. I am introduced to the anesthetist, Mr. D. "Hi dear how are you feeling?" "Not to great" I say. (Group, I just remembered that detail right now. I've talked to the guy since and he is the biggest MCP I have ever had the pleasure of talking with, but a sweet guy all the same.) I ask again, being a good Bradley student, making an effort to be an informed consumer with my last effort, "Now why do I have to have general anesthesia?" Mr. D. says, "well, we have to get that baby out right away." I know this is a pathetic answer but oh well, I can't do any more, I can't make them do anything different. I give up. And they put me under....

I wake up gradually but aware enough to know, "Oh God I woke up, darn it. I'd rather be dead." My eyes are barely open, I'm trying hard to open them and say something. I can hear someone talking but can't see who or where she is. I can feel the cut on my stomach. I stay as still as I can.

Eventually somebody checks my IV, Bp, etc. She leaves again. My mouth is so dry. I say excuse me, help me, I need some ice as loud as I can, but my mouth doesn't seem to be working and she either never hears me or ignores my requests.

Time passes. I'm not really thinking, just existing still, dealing with the fact that I'm still alive and I don't have cntx or a big belly any more. I hear a new nurse come in, it's about 8 am I guess and she is talking cheerfully. She comes over and says, "How are you, honey? Doing okay?" She checks me and asks, "Do you have a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" she says nicely but surprised. "What do you mean you don’t know?"

"I don't know," I say. "I haven't been told."

The nurse is all concerned and sweet and wants to find out for me right away. They said they would tell me as soon as I woke up in recovery, but I hadn't thought about it and don't care.

"Please wait" I say. "Let my husband tell me, that's nicer anyway."

It's time for me to go up to the maternity floor. DH I find out later was starting to get restless b/c it took longer to get me up there to the nursery than they said. I'm rolled up, my eyes still won't get open and I hear his voice. It's good to hear it, though I feel so bad for putting him through this. He's so relieved to see me.

"Do you know what we have?"

"No I don't."

"Sure you do. You know what we had."

I think he means that my guess was right, so I think, it's a boy. (I wanted a girl so was a little disappointed.)

"No I don't they didn't tell me. What is it?"

DH tells me all the details. He saw the baby being pulled and yanked out of my body and saw him right away and held him soon. He's cuddled him and stayed with him ever since.

They take me to my room. DH eventually calls our pastor, and parents. I had wanted to make those happy calls. Now I don't care. I hurt. Of course, before that, they bring our baby in. I coo over him the best I can, but I don't know him. He's just this baby. He nuzzles my breast and latches right on happily. He got so excited when he saw my chest. (This I didn't notice at the time really but treasure it now. He really did know his mommy. DH said so at the time.)

My mother's voice is cracking up in tears when DH gives me the phone. "I'm just so glad you're both okay. We'll leave in the morning okay."

"I'm okay Mom" I say by way of reassurance but that's all I can get out.

It hurts so much. I know those of you who have had sections can understand. I can't think of the words to describe the pain. It is worse than contractions, and it never goes away. I am in a fog. I want to rest, but there is time with the baby and with dh. A lady from church comes in to see the baby, she qualifies as a grandparent, doesn't she? Our first visitor.

Kim, the pastor's wife comes to see me. She's so nice, my good friend, it's comforting to have her here. I've just been given two pain pills. When I take the pills, I feel just for awhile, as if everything is going to be okay. The rest of the time, it seems the disaster is still overtaking me. I am afraid. What will I do?

My best friend comes to see me later. I learn later that Kim sent her with the words, "You'd better get over there to see Jenny NOW." Wendy tells me later that her reaction on seeing me, IV in arm, baby too, eyes still barely halfway open, was "Oh my God what have they done to her." I treasure this from her, she's not a birth junkie, but now I think, even she could see this situation as it TRULY was.

It's so hot. The air conditioning is out. It's the 24th of August and humid Kentucky. I ask for and get the last fan on the floor. What are all the other new moms doing?

The most miserable day of my life is finally over. It seemed to last forever. I hope to get some sleep, but they take the catheter out before bedtime. I can't pee. I find myself whining and crying to my husband and the nurse who took it out, what am I going to do if I can't pee? We can put it back in says the nurse. NO, I WON'T do that, that would be losing ground.

I spend the entire night it seems on the potty forcing myself to pee. I have a double room, of course I can't have a private room b/c there are none, and I know am bothering the 3rd time mother on the other side every time I rattle past her (b.c of course I still had the IV with pole in, this doesn't seem fair now that I think about it. I can't pee, but still have to pee b/c of the IV!!) to the toilet. I can't count the number of times I feel I am about to burst and go sit on the toilet for a 1/2 hour only to squeeze mostly blood out. I am up all night.

I am so tired the next day and you can never sleep in a hospital! I am scared and anxious. I can't seem to still my heart and my fears. Waves of nausea come over me when ever I hear a bassinet rattling down the hall in my direction. Oh God! what if it's him. I don't think of him by his name Zachary. I don't want to feed now, I just want to sleep. He latches on and sucks okay but goes to sleep easily and sleeps a lot. Probably the general anesthesia. But I just want to sleep, I don't want cheery nurses popping in at two am with "It's time to feed your baby!" I am so ashamed not to want to feed my baby. He's my baby I should care about him.

Before we leave for home they take out my staples. My records say only that my condition is good. Like hell it was good!! The "lactation consultant" says I have to supplement b/c I'm not making enough milk. She stuck the pump on me and sighed when I only created 1/2 ounce. (Duh of course I didn't have milk, my baby was only 3 days old anyway!) The thing that's so hard about all the birth and breastfeeding stuff is I knew better. I was well read and knew about all the problems the hospital can give you about b-feeding etc. But I just thought I was an exception--too tired to care--they seem so sincere, etc.

My parents come and they take care of everything. Gee, when am I going back into past tense? Present tense is helpful some of the time.

I spent the first week doing what you're supposed to resting and nursing. My mother did everything, was very loving. My father was disappointed that I didn't want to go see anything, historic sites etc. He’s really into that and had no concept of what my body has just gone through. He's wanting a regular fun visit. No such thing this time.

The problem is, I can't sleep. At night I toss and turn, listening to DH breathing and watching the numbers changes on the alarm clock. The baby wakes up every so often to feed, every couple hours, not too bad, doesn't have colic really, I just can't sleep.

I tried to rest and sleep but couldn't. I called the CNMs and got lots of suggestions even herbal tea from Wanda the director. It made me drowsy but didn't help. We went to the CNM clinic once to check on the baby's weight. Wanda is a breastfeeding proponent and tries to encourage me that he's getting something. I feel like a freak b/c I CANNOT relax enough to let down. I do remember one time when I lay down with him and almost fell asleep, suddenly milk came gushing out and he was gulping happily. I tried and tried to replicate that but to no avail

We went back to see Wanda who was my lifeline by this time. I was afraid, in pain, in a fog, not having any feelings for my baby. I knew it was all a big mistake. I told her I wish we would both get hit by a car. She tells my mother I need to see someone and calmly and lovingly makes plans for us to go see the psychiatrist at UK hospital. He's great she works with him often.

So we drive to UK that afternoon with baby and dh meets us there. When we get there I realize that thinking I would see this nice psy. was naive. I am in the emergency room. I have to sign in. I have to wait my turn. I need to talk to someone now! When I finally get my turn, I see on the nurse's screen that I am suicidal. I freak out when I see that and my blood pressure is way up. I just need to see someone, to get some help.

The intern on call was a woman named Fiona who was great. She was kind and firm and loving. I got some sleeping meds from her b/c I thought if I could just get some sleep. DH and I stop by the pharmacy to get the meds on our way home and I am to try them over the weekend. As I sit in the car I notice the beautiful clouds and think for the first time in awhile that it will all be okay.

It wasn't. It just got worse. I got some sleep though the meds did nothing the first night though they supposedly knocked most people right out. When I talked to Fiona Tuesday she said I should be hospitalized. We talked about it. I was so scared but so desperate to just get away from my baby. I wanted a nice bath and just to sleep sleep sleep. (Our hot water heater element had burned out, no hot water for 3 days and a new baby.)

UK wasn't my main insurance though and we were referred to a clinic that was. We went to see them, and ladies, I had a bad feeling about the place form the beginning! Depressed and crapped up as I was, i knew. But I didn't follow my instincts. NEVER AGAIN. EMPHASIZE THIS TO WOMEN YOU KNOW. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO WHAT INSURANCE SAYS. IF YOUR GUT SAYS GET OUT GET OUT.

I just didn't like the place. They made me fill out a long form before anyone even saw me. I felt like I was trying to convince the lady the entire time that I was so bad I needed hospital. She said they always keep mothers and babies together when they can. I had another meeting that afternoon with the nurse who did prescriptions and they set me up on antidepressants. She was okay. DH was relieved at their plan and that I did not have to go in the hospital.

My parents had to leave the next day. Some neighbors came over to sit with me and the baby. I lived for the time my mother-in-law would arrive thinking maybe it would get better.

Well, I'll try to summarize instead of tell the rest of the story b/c I know you all have busy lives. And this is pretty much it as far as the story of postpartum.

This clinic would never admit me to a hospital though I said I was suicidal. I didn't have a specific plan to kill myself and so did not meet HMO criteria for admission. They did however call social services and a social worker came to check on my baby. I was shamed and crushed and did everything I could to look together. I was so embarrassed b/c nothing like this had ever happened in my family I thought. My house had just been cleaned by my mother in law and looks nice anyway so I guess I convinced her. At that point there was nothing else this clinic could do b/c basically they had told me I had to get better or I would have my son taken away. Not that I cared about that except how it would ruin my family's lives. I could have cared less if I never saw him again.

So I finally quit going there. Did find a more sympathetic counselor who helped me through the PPD over the course of 4 visits. I got better 4 months later when I was given Provera to start my period (b/c of course I wasn't breastfeeding b/c I had to quit to take meds and wasn't making enough milk anyway...argh what a mess) and within 2 weeks I was myself again. I found myself thinking, "Hey this baby isn't so bad after all. I believe he's almost fun to take care of....hey maybe everyone was right and I did have PPD and I wasn't just a bad mother."

I can't tell you how many times I had thought of hurting Zachary, leaving him on my in-laws steps etc. killing myself. I didn't run away b/c my family is everything to me and what would be the point. I was suicidal for four solid months. Every time he cried, I just knew I should die. I must die, I didn't deserve to live for not loving this baby.

My dh was my only true confidant and he still loved me.

Anyway.....folks, thank you for your patience. I really needed to tell the whole thing.

Back to the birth itself. Most of you have probably figured out what happened at my birth, but just to summarize my research and what it has taught me since then. My hospital records say that CPD is the diagnosis. When I read that I thought oh great b/c I had read Silent Knife when pregnant, remember? But Robin had told me two days after my birth, when she came into my room and said to me, "Jenny, you had the birth you wanted" Yes ladies that is a direct quote. She meant I didn't have any interventions but I just had to have a cs so why should I feel bad? I asked her why my baby wouldn't come out. She is supposed to be a CNM and she said, "I don't know. Ask Dr. S when you see him." So she just has to go with what Dr. said and probably hadn't read his surgical report which I am going to quote for you here:

She went into active labor, progressed to full dilatation and pushed for app. four hours with crowning but definitely just caput. Sharp ischial spines were noted and because of the pushing effect [?? gee folks what IS a 'pushing effect'?] Pitocin was augmented to see if allowing contractions to be more powerful so that she could deliver the baby spontaneously; however, was unable to do so. She will be planned for Cesarean section.

In 1996 when I talked with Robin she said I definitely had CPD and that the DR. said the baby was never coming out right after the surgery. Interesting that she didn't remember all of that two days after birth, but could one year later.

They never once got me up and walking to get the head down on the cervix. The only position I was in closed off my opening by pushing my coccyx up and pushing baby's head up to my pubic arch which is my smallest measurement according to a homebirth midwife I have since seen. They never tried fundal pressure or the pelvic press. I didn't know these options existed then! I thought I was just some kind of freak who couldn't have a baby.

When I went to talk to Wanda, the director who I thought was such a truthful and wonderful person, she told me the surgeon just forgot to put fetal distress on the surgical report when I asked her why that wasn't on there b/c we thought that was the reason for the surgery. She also agreed with the CPD diagnosis, and told me when I asked her about my cntx being more painful lying down and why did cntx get further apart during pushing, that those were my body's ways of telling me that this baby is just not going to come out vaginally. I know, I know what you all are thinking!!! I believed her at the time, though.

The CNMs at my hospital are not midwives, not remotely; they are doctor's assistants, no more no less. They even do the "normal" deliveries for the OBGYN practice that backs them up, which means that women who do want a doctor for their birth get a CNM whether they want one or not.

So, anyway, once I finally got all this figured out and believe me it's been a long and painful process, I am ready for a VBAC. Okay not totally ready, but I am having a homebirth, hopefully a water birth. I never even got near water with Zac, I just forgot about it, who knows why. I know that I can have my baby vaginally, even if it is bigger. All I hope is that I can conceive in less than a few years time. I am also concerned about PPD happening again. I do know more what to do this time including preventives, but in my mind, the biggest "preventive" will be having a VBAC and not having post-traumatic stress syndrome from one of the biggest, most fucked-up fuckups of birth I have ever heard about!!!! I'm sorry about my language but I think you all know how I feel.

You probably noted Dr. S. said "sharp ischial spines were noted". Were you wondering who noted them? So was I b/c they've never ever been noted anywhere else including not in my records from the CNMs' offices. Well, this idiot Dr. who must think I'm a TOTAL moron, actually told me HE checked me when I was ALREADY UNDER GENERAL ANESTHESIA just to be sure I couldn't deliver vaginally. (I never met the guy till a week after the c/s.) (Oh, and another detail, he was going to do a classical incision b/c of the risks of general anesthesia to the baby or so he told my dh. Dh asked him to do transverse b/c I had reminded him to ask for that before I was rolled away. Can you believe it?) I do have a transverse.

(Oh yeah, the general's the other thing from hell, Robin told me she "CHOSE IT FOR ME because she was concerned our baby's condition might suddenly go downhill" can you believe it. The doctor said when he looked at my records a year later that it was unnecessary. I certainly didn't choose the risk and loss of bonding that come with the stuff. Can any of you wonderful women figure out why I had general anesthesia for an "emergency section" that took 80 minutes to complete from time we were told we were having it to my baby's birth??? What's that I hear? To shut me up? Oh surely not! :)

Anyway back to the doctor. I know my spines aren't sharp. I am normal and the Dr. S. just made it up b/c he had to put something on the report. HE could care less that his words affect my entire future.

Another interesting detail you may have picked up on from another post of mine--my baby was at +4. It's in the records. Of course I didn't realize how close he was to being born. I felt his head, Colleen guided my hand to feel his head but it was too late then. I was already told I had to have a section. A homebirth midwife I talked with said "He's already past the spines for Pete's sake" I didn't know that. I had no idea. For a long time I thought he was stuck and just not coming down. Remember how in labor I felt like something was wrong and it just was all wrong and I couldn't do it.....

Jenny Griebenow, mom to Zachary, hospital caused c-section 8/24/95
griebenow@iclub.org