The gentlebirth.org website is provided courtesy of
Ronnie Falcao, LM MS, a homebirth midwife in Mountain View, CA

Hospital Checklist

Here's my checklist for a woman's eligibility for a hospital birth:

Must not be scared of needles.
Must not be claustrophobic or uncomfortable in confined spaces.
Must be able to fast for long periods of time.
Must be happy to share one toilet with 30 others.
Must accept that said toilet maybe a considerable distance from the bed area.
Must enjoy sleeping on mattresses covered in plastic.
Must not have rebellious or questioning nature.
Must fully accept that may contract MRSA.
Must fully accept that may contract any infection: uterine or perineum
Must be happy to share one midwife with 3 other labouring women at same time.
Must also be happy that said midwife has been fasted for many hours.
Must like and trust in electrical equipment.
Must be happy that has a 1:4 chance of having major surgery for no good reason.

This non exhaustive list has been included in your maternity records and must be discussed and signed by you (the mother), a registered midwife and a supervisor of midwives. If this has not been discussed or signed by all of the above staff you will not be allowed to have a hospital birth and will unfortunately have to stay at home to have your baby.